-=the daily grind=-

The thing that I cannot help but wonder about is why am I here, what is my purpose in life, how come life is not fair?

Lately there have been episodes of unfaithfulness happening to people around me. There have been cheating, in relationships and the final exams (we have 2 more to go and then it’s the sem break), hurting words easily thrown around without thought or concern for their weight and implication, bodies/selves compromised for a night of fun or forgetting.

To commit to something is a feat. To commit to someone I personally think is dangerous. My decision not to have children is still firm mostly because I know having a family will open the floodgates of non-privacy, of meddling in the guise of sharing, or people you cannot retire or leave, even when you have very good reasons to turn your back on them.

Can one person make a difference? Yes, I still think so. There is chance offered to us everyday, to change or touch another’s life, even in the gentlest possible way. The act may be forgettable but the feeling it gives another for just a moment, in that split second when you displayed how the universe conspired to help her in her time of need, is forever.

I wonder how I will be reaping the effects of the mistakes I have made. Will life be kind? Will I be understood? Will I learn much from them? Will I be judged? Or will my mistakes prove to be useless, worthless mistakes, the "lessons" from which I could have learned in some other less painful way. I have this habit of thinking "why did it happen to him" when something major happens to someone I know. Maybe he tries to be a good person so it’s karma he’s getting now, or maybe she’s an terrible, back-biting bitch that’s why nobody can stand her now, or maybe he was left by his great love and so now life is telling him "move on, move on, there’s still so much ahead of you" or maybe she was kupal to her last boyfriend that’s why she’s in that situation right now. But these are all conjectures I make in my head, at the end of formulating such I am left with only one certainty — Life has a habit of equalizing things. You can’t have it all. Nobody does. And we’re lucky to have most. Not to be gloating or anything, but we rarely appreciate what we have, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

So in trudging through life, stay the course, put tapaoho on your head if you have to. Stay the course and the rest will take care of itself. In life’s time, in God’s time. In Atlas Shrugged, the philosopher said that in life there are no inconsistencies, no accidental happening. If something in your mind doesn’t make sense,then change your premise. Life does not prove you wrong. Change your premise.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 13th, 2005 at 8:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.