-=the daily grind=-

To know or not to kow, that’s the question in my mind lately. For the past few days I have been an (un)willing listener to out-of-this world revelations from people around me.  Actually, I’m grateful that they trust me. I’m grateful I’m someone they find easy to talk to. It’s not really what they’ve told me…it’s how I felt afterwards. I don’t know if it’s nostalgia for the good old days when issues such as those shared to me were things of the distant, unknown future, stuff for grown-ups, or feelings of being trapped. Is this all there is to life? Are these all the witnesses I have who can attest that I have lived some and am still standing? 

To not know I think is a blessing sometimes. That way you can see people in their full potential, who they can be and not the mistakes they’ve committed. I am happy I’m more open-minded now. I guess it comes with age. At 18 you’re suposedly mature. I’m 22. What I failed to be grown up about at 18 I should have made up for now. And, I’m not exactly sure if it’s a good thing, I feel more free to say "I hope I can be more like you". It should be a good thing because it means I’m more capable of wishing bigger things for myself. But after I’ve attained them, what? I guess what I’m saying is that when you don’t know anything , everything excites you because everything is brand-spankin’ new. Once you know a few things, or lot of things for that matter, it’s harder to be excited. At the back of your mind you think, yeah yeah, sure, that’s not the first time I heard of something like that happening to someone.  Life loses it’s newness.

Jaded at 22, what’s there to look forward to?  I suppose the answer should be, STLL EVERYTHING. Because life, though it has revealed some to some people, has yet to reveal all of itself to me. And I have yet to suck it dry. So here’s to finding newness in the life you’ve always had…*clink*

What goes around comes around, sometimes a lot sooner than you think. Today at lunch I was making chismis with my orgmates in our orgroom. Lest you think I am a vicious rumormonger, I did not name names for the most part, puro blind items lang. But yes, I take full responsibility for talking (albeit in disguised terms) about the goings-on of people in law school. So I’m Filipino, so what. Blame it on The Buzz too. Anyhoo, as we were about to go back to studying, an orgmate joked that I will be called in class. I laughed.

We had 2 classes today. In the 1st class I wasn’t called. In the 2nd class, horrors of all horrors, I was called. To recite. The ONLY case. I didn’t read. Belch. Whaaaapaaaack. Many of us in law school have been victims to such a cruel fate. To others it might seem very hapless, even too ill-fated to be true. But it is as a matter of fact true — shit does happen and in law school shit is just plain shittier. Argh.

So there. What’s there to learn? Or rather, what’s there to re-learn? Be nice. People aren’t always as tough as they seem. Spread good vibes, think positive and never ever wash other people’s dirty laundry in public (or in private, for that matter). So, to all who are having it easy now not because of what they know but who they know (ahem), life has a way of making things fair. I hope I’m there to see the turn of the tide for you <evil cackle>.

Because I am feeling chatty today, here’s another entry.

I officially have never been part of an LQ (lover’s quarrel), either as a party to it, or a 3rd party over whom the lovers are fighting. The concept is beyond me because LQs are usually over jealousy (why did you say hi to you ex?!!!) or negligence (why didn’t you call me when you were supposed to?!!!!) and frankly, I have yet to meet a guy who can elicit feelings of wild, incomprehensible jealousy from me. Yes, I can be jealous with friends, sometimes with family, but never ever because of a guy. For some reason, when the perfect opportunity presents itself for me to be jealous, a little voice in my head says "Well, if he likes her better than you it’s not your loss…" or "Ewww, he’s got some taste…" and I calmly assess the situation like how I assess what grade I should get to in the finals just in case I fail my midterms, calmly and with some degree of diligence (and basis), but never erratically…until a few days ago. I don’t know if it was the hormones or my growing distaste for school manifesting itself in other areas of my life, but I was really, REALLY pissed. If he was in front of me then I would’ve strangled him and left him for dead. And I had no basis! Actually, I did, somewhat, but later on I realized it was a flimsy reason and the truth was it was all of the other things in the past, all of the other "hirits" he made that annoyed me, it was all of those combined. So bale, lovers ba kame? Of course not. But that night I honestly felt overlooked.

So what’s the good thing about this? He’s not in Friendster, hahahah!!! I can freely villify him. No but really, I’m just gald to know I’m normal.

A few minutes ago I checked Larla’s blog and found that she posted a song sung by Carrie Underwood in the last American Idol season (eto na…). I knew of the song before she sang it because my beloved sister in Florida has turned *gulp* country and played it in the car every other day.  Larla, the song’s by Rascal Flatts, a 3-man country band from, if I’m not mistaken, Nashville, Tennessee (but the members are originally from Ohio and Oklahoma). So because Larla, my very, very good friend who’s now home from Australia, had the courage to say it for everyone to read, I now have the guts to say, yes, I like the song too. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you. Yes, the truth is out…I am part cowgirl. So what’s great about it? I am not alone. Bwahahaha!!! I have the entire states of Ohio, Tennessee, Alabama, Texas, Oklahoma, Florida and wherever else those rednecks live (Eunice — Idaho?) behind me. And of course, Larling too. Thanks y’all!

This is a much belated post. Fete in El Pueblo was an ordeal. We did not even get to listen to the bands play because we were too busy fanning ourselves and making sure our cellphones were not being stolen. Apparently, EVERYONE listens to NU.

Highlight of the night was that we were all together — me and my 2 blockmates, Anna and Rich (we were just happy to be out), Eunice and Kimmy with the special appearance of their friend Malo, Chat and Doop for a while, Trisca and Andoni with Andoni’s 2 cousins, Karen and the rest of her college barkada Jeri, Dana and Hazel, and of course, Michelle and her sister Tracy (who managed to smuggle us into Racks).

Saw many, many people from college and I was especially ecstatic to see Mia, Carla and Kat. Huhuhu, I miss college. Sniff.

I will never go to Fete again, that’s for sure. On the brighter side, at least I can say I have gone to one (though I didn’t thoroughly enjoy it). Pictures will follow.

For a minute there my blog’s name was "The Daily Optimist". Under it I wrote…nothing. There seemed to be nothing to be optimistic about. I went home via Tokyo, Japan. So on the last leg of the trip I was literally surrounded by japayukis. The type who scurried to get their luggages as the plane was landing, with the seat belt sign still on. Welcome back, Marie.

Two Mondays ago I enrolled. The school was still the same, the people (I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing) were still the same. Last Wednesday we had our first meeting in Nego. It was the usual getting-to-know-you bit and so the teacher asked what our undergrad course was, what school and why law school. I was the last to be called. My answer — "Ateneo, I.S. so I had a bit of PolSci, a bit of Management and a little Lit." "So why law school?" "I have always wanted to be a lawyer…until I got here. So now I’m just trying to finish." Haha! What bitterness. What drama. This is my life.

As if the angst-ridden environment was not enough, there’s this guy in school who is "very friendly". Some days he serves a purpose — someone to laugh at, feel gross about, and well, sure, be thankful for. Thank god there are people like him to show us what not to look for in a partner. Now that’s something to be optimistic about. Yahoo.